


When I Die, I'm Going to Haunt the Fuck Out of You People

by aleksandrhd



Category: Cow Chop, cowchop
Genre: M/M, dont crucify me, i know my wrong doings, this is my first work in this fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleksandrhd/pseuds/aleksandrhd
Summary: He raised the glass back to his lips and took a last gulp before it slipped out of his fingers and made contact with the plush carpet.Something felt wrong.





	When I Die, I'm Going to Haunt the Fuck Out of You People

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece of CowChop/FakeChop writing so pls be gentle

Aleks watched the dim flickering of the static on the hotel television and took a sip from the almost empty whiskey glass that he held. His brain started to feel like that TV. Fuzzy and foggy like he was stuck in limbo. He raised the glass back to his lips and took a last gulp before it slipped out of his fingers and made contact with the plush carpet. 

Something felt wrong.

Whether it was the alcohol causing the bout of paranoia or just a gut feeling either way it sent a chill down his spine. He couldn’t understand where the pang of curious guilt sprung from as he looked around the small empty hotel room. It ran up his spine and started blossoming over his heart then down to his lungs. It stung like needles, tiny pin pricks overtaking him and stopping his breathing. Things began to go dark as the memories started pouring in.

That’s when he blacked out.

 

“James you fucking idiot! Look at me!” Aleks shouted over the deafening whir of the helicopter blades. He gripped onto James for dear life as they hoisted him up into the bed of the helicopter. 

James was in and out of consciousness as his head lulled back to rest on Aleks’ forearm. He gave a light hearted chuckle but began to cough up blood. James weakly took hold of Aleks’ hand that was busy gripping his tactical vest. He closed his fingers limply around Aleks’ and looked at him through lidded eyes. 

“I may be an idiot....” He trailed off and closed his eyes tightly, his eyes crinkling in pain at the sudden jolt of turbulence. He swallowed and was overcome by a wave of copper and salt which made him cough more. “...but I’m not dumb..”

Aleks just stared at him with a furrowed brow. Of course James was still going to be James as he’s lying on his deathbed. Aleks shook his head in disbelief and gripped onto James even tighter. Coiling his arms around the other man like a snake ready to squeeze its victim to death.

“You can’t leave me! You said you wouldn’t!” Aleks shouted in pain over the blades cutting into the air. He squeezed his eyes shut as hot tears started to pour from them. James’ eyes began to flutter close as he became weaker. 

“JAMES!” Aleks was sobbing at this point. His whole body was on fire, he felt as if all his organs were melting and becoming slush inside him. His face was so hot despite the wind chill and twenty degree weather outside. 

James opened his eyes slowly. “I’m dying here, will you give me a second..” Aleks was so angry at him. No he wasn’t. How could he be? James was his other half, his literal partner in crime and now he’s slipping through his fingers because of a wardrobe malfunction. 

Aleks wishes it would’ve happened to him. Survivors guilt. 

“James...please don’t leave me” Aleks croaked out weakly, his voice cracking in several different places. James just smiled meekly and grabbed at his neck to yank the necklace he had been wearing off. He took Aleks’ hand and dropped it into his palm, closing his fingers. The cool metal sending shivers up his spine. 

“You were one hell of a partner...Aleksandr.” James squeezed his hand weakly, one last time before his eyes slipped shut and his breathing was so faint he couldn’t feel it anymore.

Aleks had never felt so vulnerable in his life until that moment. 

He opened his hand to find silver dog tags with the day they met and their initials on them. Usually Aleks would call him ‘fuckin’ gay dude’ at this gesture, even though they both knew the other was, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Words felt like glass shards sitting in his mouth and sliding down his throat as he tried to swallow. It could’ve been from the icy air but he doubted it. 

The tears started to crawl their way back out and spill over his face as if someone turned a faucet on full blast. He couldn’t see anything past the foggy wall of salty tears that blocked his vision. 

He sobbed and he wailed, because no one up here could hear him and no one would ever see him so weak and vulnerable. 

 

The helicopter landed and Aleks had put up his façade again. He hopped out stone faced and commanded Asher and Trevor to lift James out onto a cot and rush him to the nearest hospital. 

Aleks leaned against the outside of the helicopter and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. The inhale of nicotine burnt his lungs and it felt good. He could almost feel the black spots on his lungs and how they slowly grew with each inhale like unkempt vines. 

The tendrils of smoke swirled up and mixed into the grey clouds above his head. They seemed to dance in the wind and then dissipate into thin air. That’s what Aleks wanted so badly was to just, disappear. To have the Earth open up underneath his feet and swallow him whole. 

He didn’t deserve it though. That was too painless. He deserved to be ripped apart from the outside in. His heart the first to go and then maybe his lungs and then his intestines. 

Aleks didn’t realize quite how long he had been standing there until a nasty, unfamiliar taste hit his mouth and he realized he was smoking the filter. 

Brett rushed around the corner and blindsided him. He grabbed Aleks by the collar, catching him off guard as he stumbled over his own two feet trying to regain his balance.

“Wh..what are you doing?” Aleks asked, but Brett didn’t say a word. Aleks tried pulling his arm away but to no avail he was still being dragged along against his will. 

They reached the lambo and Brett let go of Aleks and hopped in the driver’s side in a rush. Aleks just stared in a state of confusion at the expensive car for a few seconds before he finally got in. 

When Brett was silent it usually wasn’t good.

“The Hospital.” Brett shot in his direction before starting the vehicle and taking off out of the warehouse parking lot.

A knot formed in the pit of Aleks’ stomach and it only got tighter the closer they got to the hospital. A million questions racing through his head and bombarding him. He felt like he was going to have another panic attack. How many would that make? Three? At this point everything was a blur and he was just trying to keep his cool.

As if the world hadn’t already stopped for Aleksandr, traffic seemed agonizingly slow. Yeah it was LA but they were catching every red light which just gave Aleks more time to think. His thoughts seemed to jumble up and form other incohesive thoughts. 

He felt like he was going to vomit.

They pulled up to the hospital and Aleks demanded that Brett drop him off at the entrance, which he obliged, even if he didn’t think Aleks was stable enough to even stand on his own. 

Aleks bursted through the double doors and as soon as he crossed that threshold is when everything hit him like he had just walked into a brick wall. In a state of panic he fell to his knees and cried out for James. Nurses came rushing over to calm him but he couldn’t hear anything. His ear drums felt like they had ruptured and all he heard was white noise. He closed his eyes so tight he could see explosions behind his eyelids.

Brett came rushing in to the scene and scooped his lifeless body up with ease and sat him in a chair. He explained everything to a nurse while trying to calm Aleks down. The nurse went to fetch a doctor and left the two sitting in silence in the waiting room. 

Aleks had finally calmed down. He could breathe easier but his breaths were still rugged and sharp. He opened his eyes but quickly shut them with a hiss from the bright oversaturated LED lights. After a few seconds his eyes adjusted and he blinked a few times before looking to Brett for answers. 

“Where’s James?” Aleks asked, still panicked. He hadn’t stopped feeling an emptiness since the helicopter ride. 

“Doctors say he’s out of it from blood loss, they don’t know when he’ll wake up..” Brett spoke slowly as to not upset the smaller man. Aleks stayed silent and blinked a few more times before looking back to Brett.

“He’s not dead..?” Aleks spoke softly, words full of hope and curiosity. “Well, barely.” Brett let out a sigh and looked at his combat boots that have seen better days. He rested a hand on Aleks’ shoulder and shook him gently, trying to comfort him.

A doctor walked into the waiting room and towered over the two men sitting down. Aleks shot up in a dizzy haze and grabbed onto the man to stabilize himself. Brett stood up and apologized for him and grabbed onto his friend to keep him up.

“Can I see him?” Aleks questioned, trying to read the man’s blank expression. He looked at Brett and then at Aleks and apologized. “Only one person can go back, I’m sorry.” Brett patted Aleks on the shoulder as an OK. Aleks smiled weakly and followed the older man back behind two wooden doors.

As soon as he walked in he could feel tears rise. A sick feeling hit his stomach and he felt the bile rising to his throat. James looked so weak and pitiful, the same James that would destroy anything and everything that stood in his way. This wasn’t James, at least not the one Aleks knew. 

He had to take a seat next to his hospital bed before he passed out again. He felt nauseous and guilty. So many emotions overtaking him. He felt the pricks on his arms and neck, like millions of needles being shoved under his skin. He stared at the lifeless body of his best friend in front of him. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you’d really take a bullet for me, asshole.” And even after all this time he still couldn’t not joke with James. He didn’t even know if James could hear him but he was going to talk anyway. “Fuck you..” He let out under his breath, his voice cracking slightly.

 

It had been two days and Aleks hadn’t left that uncomfortable plastic hospital chair except to urinate. He hadn’t showered or brushed his teeth or even eaten. He was lightheaded and delusional at this point. Brett, Asher and Trevor had come to check on him several times and insisted he leave. 

But he couldn’t. 

No matter how hard he willed himself to stand up and walk out of that room he physically couldn’t bring himself to do it. What if he wakes up and thinks he’s all alone? He didn’t care if he smelled like shit or his teeth turned yellow from all the coffee he had been drinking, he was going to stay here and wait no matter how long it took. 

 

It had been four days. Four agonizingly long days of waiting and hoping. Aleks was by no means a religious person but if any God or religious deity could hear him at this very moment he would do anything just to have James here and smiling and laughing. Seeing him draped in tubes and breathing machines and IV’s was one of the worst things he had ever seen in his life. 

He started silently crying again. He was shocked his body even had any more liquid left in it to cry out. 

A stir from the bed woke Aleks from his sleep deprived thoughts as he saw James raise a hand to his face. Aleks couldn’t tell if he was hallucinating or not but he reached out for James’ hand and entwined their fingers together. Aleks brought their hands to his lips and gently kissed James’ scarred hands. 

“That’s fuckin’ gay..” He heard just barely over the breathing machine and heart monitor beeping monotonously in the quiet room. He smiled to himself, tears still staining his flushed cheeks. “Because we’re so straight.” Aleks mused back quietly, just loud enough for James to hear him. He sat their hands down on the bed and just looked at him. 

“You look like shit.” Aleks said sarcastically, just trying to get James to laugh again. James smirked from under his oxygen mask and looked Aleks up and down. “You don’t look too hot yourself.” Aleks chuckled which made James laugh softly in return. 

A silence fell over the room as their laughter trailed off. The silence was so thick Aleks could feel it like a knife pressed against his throat. His breath hitched and he went to snatch his hand away from James’ but it wouldn’t budge. Oxygen leaving his lungs and his vision tunneling, he clawed at his throat with his free hand hoping in his state of panic that it would do   
.

 

Aleks shot up, sweat on his brow and head pounding. He opened his eyes and was met with harsh sunlight pouring in from the curtain he forgot to close. The room smelled of a mixture of liquor and an old basement. Aleks realized he was still in the shitty uncomfortable chair and still in the same shitty hotel room he passed out in the night before. 

He went to lift his arms to rub at his eyes when something metallic fell from his hands and slipped to the floor. 

Aleks sighed and went to bend over to pick it up but froze when he realized what it was.

Where could it have come from? He knew he left it at home a thousand miles in the opposite direction, but somehow it was right in front of him, the sunlight glinting from it and shining on his pale skin. He reached for it and felt the cold metal against his palm as he scooped it up. He placed it around his neck and just sat in silence, soaking up the warm sun that was intruding through the window. 

Everything was silent except for the sound of metal hitting metal as he fumbled with the necklace. 

“That’s fucking gay..” Aleks’ voice trailed off into silence as he felt the tears begin to well up and he felt that familiar shiver that went up his spine and felt like needles pricking his skin. 

His heart ached but he didn’t feel that same sense of loneliness that he had felt all those years ago. Instead he felt warm and fuzzy, as if he was actually here with him, wrapping his arms around him and telling him it was okay. 

It wasn’t Aleks’ fault.

**Author's Note:**

> ok now you can yell at me


End file.
